yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
