were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
