He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
