I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
