I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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