I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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