Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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