In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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