dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
