i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize