I cannot find my penis.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
