I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
