If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
