worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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