i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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