there's paper in my vomit.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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