He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
