i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
