I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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