i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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