WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
