There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize