I hate all girls vehemently.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
