3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
