it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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