i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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