YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
