All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
