Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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