Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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