Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Randomize
