theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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