i barfeds in our rink
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
