Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
