Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Randomize
