everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
