My first STD was from a foam party
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
how does that bad decision feel?
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