yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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