you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
