I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
