i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
