I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just cut my nipple shaving
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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