You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
