those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
