I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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