My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
