just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
