Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
