Screwed.edu
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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