I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
