my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
