he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize