I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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