I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
