seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
