my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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