I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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