I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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