On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
