dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
