Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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