It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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