wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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