Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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