Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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