If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
