His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
