Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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