Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just cut my nipple shaving
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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