honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
