So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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