Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
